FAQ

Answers to your anticipated questions. I am not a sexpert. There are links below to folks who are. This is information I have picked up from experience and reading and, also, some flat-out opinions.

1) What is a fucked up sexual fantasy?
I used to think a "fucked up fantasy" is one that differs from the mainstream. But I've come across straight men into trannies, straight women into pegging their boyfriends, and dykes into gay porn. An awful lot of people are into some form of BDSM. And, according to one study, up to 57% of women have rape fantasies. Obviously, a lot of us are kind of "fucked up". 
Now, I use the term "fucked up fantasy" for one that differs from what is supposed to be normal.

2) Where does the fucked-upness come from?
That, I don't know; no one knows, yet. I suspect it's a combination of nature and nurture. When I was about 7, a good friend of mine used to tie me up as a game. In middle school, having lost touch with her, I would tie myself to my bureau. My earliest sexual fantasies were of rape and bondage. I was never molested. My brain's just a bit twisted when it comes to sex and I suspect that I'm in the majority there.

3) How can you call yourself a bisexual dyke?
I came out as a lesbian as a teenager and most of my relationships have been with women. To the world, I appear to be a dyke. But I've always known I was bisexual. I fantasize about being raped by men and get attracted to the occasional one in real life. However, I am happily monogamous with the woman I hope someday to marry.

4) So, if you fantasize about rape, do you want to be raped in real life?
Here's my personal reason the answer is a big fat NO. When I fantasize, I'm in control. I decide what happens during the "rape". And, though the fantasy may be harsh, I'm only imagining things to get myself off. A real rapist does not have such motivation.
Fantasy is fantasy, it lets us go to the edges of imagination. Someone taking control in bed fills the same need as the "rapist" in my fantasies.

5) What do some of these terms mean? 
Vanilla: Conventional sex. Examples include "The Missionary Position", mutual masturbation, and frottage.
Frottage: Non-penetrative sex; i.e. genital rubbing, dry-humping.
BDSM: The acronym means Bondage, Domination/Discipline, Sadism/Submission, Masochism. Sex that incorporates any or all of these elements. Sometimes goes beyond the bedroom to encapsulate other areas of a relationship. For instance, a Submissive may be a "slave" to his/her lover in real life.
Pegging: When a woman fucks a man in the ass with a dildo. 
Kink: An unusual sexual practice. Examples include spanking, whipping, peeing on a lover, and pegging. 

6) How is a kink different from a fetish?
I didn't know the difference between these until recently. I am a total kinkster and love getting tied up. But I also enjoy vanilla sex. A fetish is an unusual sexual turn-on which is the only thing that gets you off. For instance, in order for a foot fetishist to come, feet have to be involved.

7) Am I bad person for having this fantasy?
You can be a sick fuck without being a bad person. Your fantasy may involve acts that are illegal and immoral in real life but that doesn't mean you can't act them out with a consenting adult. There are kinky websites that match people up; chances are you'll find someone who not only will enact your fantasy in a safe manner, they'll enjoy it as much as you. If you are already dating someone, try telling them a bit about your fantasy. It doesn't get much better than experimenting with the one you love. And don't forget masturbation! It can be a glorious adventure.
You're not a bad person for what happens in your head. I believe we're only as moral as our actions.


And now, the sexperts:






Feel free to email me more questions or additions to the sexpert list: bellelabete at gmail.com

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